These days, we're all struggling.
Struggling to make ends meet. Feeling like we’re drowning in helplessness. Trying our best and that somehow ending up still not being enough. I reflected how we're all stuck in situations we don't want to be in, with seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel.
Then I wrote my Darkest Hours EP during a merciless polar vortex. When the power went out for hours, and I was grappling with hardships in the freezing dark, I still found the strength to find hope in hard times.
Here are the three songs that I'll be detailing in this post:
- I'm Lonely
- Darkest Hours
- Temptation
My production for this EP is more organic than previous releases, with bittersweet piano being the focal point. I wanted everything to sound like you were sitting with me in my room with a bleak flashlight, squinting through the dark and leaning in to hear my words.
The lyrics for Darkest Hours are motivated by struggle, both personal and societal. As I was writing, I realized I've been struggling for so long that sometimes I wonder: who am I without this struggle?
If I suddenly stopped struggling—to pay bills, to stop being lonely, to believe in myself, to have faith in the future—what kind of person would I be? Would I be happier? Wiser? Stronger? What does it even take to get there?
Exploring these questions through three songs is why my Darkest Hours EP is all about finding hope in hard times, to discover what it truly takes to stand on your own two feet.
I'm Lonely
I'm Lonely is one of my favourite songs I've ever made!
My lyrics are vulnerable, specific in their intent and imagery, and also literal: I started writing the messy words for I'm Lonely on a napkin; while waiting for my London Fog tea in my favourite café downtown; on a chilly Friday afternoon, surrounded by warm laughter.
By the time I finished my tea, I'd transfered the scrawled lyrics from my napkin into my phone. As a straightforward opening song, it sets the reflective, heartfelt, and stubbornly hopeful tone for the rest of the EP.
While singing, I found the melody fit better once I ended up cutting two extra lines from the first two verses. In contrast, the closing verse has fewer words, but the same amount of lines. I think they're more impactful because of that, while also giving room for the music to breathe and build up to the final chorus.
One interesting aspect of this song happened because I made a different songwriting choice than I usually would:
Rather than having a chorus with lyrics, "I'm lonely" is the single refrain line, and the chorus itself is actually entirely instrumental.
I did this because I wanted the instruments to speak for themselves, to convey that core feeling of howling loneliness and invite listeners to reflect.
One of the ways I hoped to evoke this lonely feeling in listeners is by using my brass slide to play the main guitar riff.
My guitar tone throughout this Darkest Hours EP is a warm clean. For I'm Lonely specifically, only the rhythm guitar has this intimacy about it, whereas the tone for my slide guitar riff has lots more reverb on it, making it sound far away and piercing.
I kept the guitars fairly simple for all three songs on Darkest Hours because I wanted the piano to shine instead. I'm Lonely features a three chord descending piano riff that mirrors my slide guitar. I picked a dulcet piano tone and played these chords lightly just before the verses, creating a distinct musical motif from the chorus.
The two drums kits I combined for I'm Lonely ground the song. The first kit is LCD Drums, laying the foundation with its low, dry kick and snare. The second kit is Synth Drums, used to fill the higher frequencies of cymbals and sares. These kits livened up when I added a sense of energy and motion with the Ghost Note effect. Ghost notes are when a drummer barely plays the snare drum, meant to "feel" the rhythm rather than hear it, adding a subtle, nuanced texture to drum parts. This was especially useful in the verses.
During my creative process for I'm Lonely, I ended up pinning down my loneliness to that moment in the café where I was surrounded by people and enjoying myself. Yet, I still felt lonely.
I realized it was because I felt like I didn't truly belong–not to that place and not to anyone. This is a feeling I've had since childhood, so it's nothing new.
What is new, however, is my clear recognition of it. My direct, vulnerable lyrics acknowledge my loneliness is both a self-inflicted comfort zone and something I can change whenever I want by "offering first." This is the silver lining I hope listeners will keep in mind.
Darkest Hours
The title song from this EP highlights my intent to find hope in hard times. I hope that Darkest Hours will inspire others the same way!
The very first draft of this song didn't have much of a structure. I had a simple chord progression on piano for the verses, and a guitar riff for the chorus that I build my vocal melody around,. But when it came to singing, I just had a whole mess of lyrics that meandered through complaints. All variations on how I'm struggling to make ends meet, to have confidence in myself, to have something to look forward to beyond the struggle. Who am I without this constant fight?
I blamed myself for not trying hard enough.
I thought back to that polar vortex that gripped me for several hours. No power, no heat, no way to get outside with all the lashing whiteouts. My parents and I also desperately needed medication. I endured several cold, dark hours where not even bundling up in sweaters and having layers of blankets on top of covers could stop me from shivering. I also had a lot on my mind and couldn't stop myself from ruminating.
The polar vortex just went on and on. The longer it did, the more worried I became. I felt totally stuck and couldn't see an end to the situation.
Thankfully, this freezing went on for only hours. The roads were cleared and I could go out to the pharmacy. The lights came back on and so did the heat. Winter eventually ended altogether, and now my Darkest Hours EP is releasing at the height of summer.
During those darkest hours, I ended up writing what would become Verse 3 of the song: it's almost confessional because it's exploring the idea that, if there was nothing left to lose, now that the sun is eclipsed and the world is so quiet in the dark, would we let our guard down enough to say what's really on our minds? Would we speak the truth, come what may?
That eclipse imagery in the verse directly ties into the shadowy cover art of this EP!
Bravery is the main theme of Darkest Hours. It's the spark that makes the choruses shine. I wanted to remind myself that no matter how long the dark hours seem, there's always the opportunity to shine the brightest and illuminate even the hardest times with hope.
Temptation
Do you ever feel stuck in your ways, aware enough but still unable to make a change even though you want to?
Temptation scrutinizes this with lyrics as vulnerable and pointed as the ones I wrote for I'm Lonely. The verses are me taking a hard look at myself to recognize when and why I self sabotage. I use my typical nature imagery to offer the listener a vivid metaphor that underpins every word.
For the choruses, I deliberately refer to Biblical imagery to get my theme of Temptation across: "The snake and the apple." The tale of Eve being tempted in the Garden of Eden and leading to the downfall of humanity is one of the most renowned and direct. I have plenty of issues with it, but it makes a point in my song that I'm always tempted to be a better person despite being stuck in my ways.
I think Temptation is one of the catchiest songs I've creates so far and it's my other favourite one from this EP!
There are three elements that make this song memorable:
Firstly, the guitar riff I came up with is just three notes sustained to build the listener's anticipation. Then after the first chorus, I let the natural harmonics of my riff ring out to give it some variation from the song's intro. This riff weaves back in again with the outro, joining all the instruments in a sweeping crescendo.
Secondly, instead of the acoustic piano VST used on the previous songs, I played a Rhodes electric piano VST and arpeggiated the chords. This mellow, iconic electric piano makes this instrument melodically distinct and cuts beautifully through the mix.
Finally, to contrast my lead electric guitar riff, I'm strumming my wine red Limited Edition 1963 Epiphone EJ 45 acoustic guitar in the choruses. This gives an uplifting energy and makes them stand out.
The Hope In Hard Times
Even when life is difficult and feels hopeless...it's mine.
This is actually my brightest hope in hard times. I believe that hardships can be overcome in many resourceful ways and through various support networks: family, friends, art, nature, faith and community groups, and simple honesty about what you're going through.
I hope that listeners will relate to, and be inspired by, all three songs on my Darkest Hours EP!
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