Releasing my debut synthpop album Afterlove, and continuing to work on new music, has awakened a burning question:
Why didn't I make more music and release it sooner?
The Reality of My Circumstances
For starters, I have to acknowledge the reality of my life circumstances.
I earned both my bachelor's and master's degrees, working all throughout my studies. Then I immediately transitioned into full time work, which unfortunately became more scarce as time went on. The COVID 19 pandemic happened. I had various tumultuous friendships and relationships. Along with precarious employment the rising cost of living, political turmoil, and housing crisis have so far prevented me from moving out to my own place. I take care of my aging parents and also have chronic health issues of my own. Taken together, my circumstances mean I must be intentional with my time and purposeful in my creativity.
It's taken me years to face my circumstances with compassion and grace. And to understand that in fact, I am not running out of time, nor am I a failure.
Throughout my circumstances, I still learned about songwriting and music production. I still sang, and played guitar, piano, and bass. I still wrote songs. I still gigged here and there. Music was, and remains, a crucial part of my life and always will be.
But I didn't have a workflow. I didn't make time to specifically create music, I just did it on a whim. I had no motivation to put my music out there. Until now, both my inability and unwillingness to make and share music has been shaped by my circumstances.
Of course, I'm far from the only one going through these things! I'm sharing them becuase they are my distinct lived experiences and I have to take them into account when I'm setting aside time to make music.
However, my life circumstances are also distinct because they are not excuses, but realities.
Now I can gladly say that I create and release music on my own terms, despite my circumstances and because I've overcome my excuses. I want to share what I learned in hopes that you find it relatable and can make more music!
All My Excuses
Honestly, it was only ever all my excuses that kept me from making and releasing music.
I had a repeated collection of excuses that allowed my fear, disguised as perfectionism, to keep holding me back:
- I don't have time
- I don't have a home studio
- I don't have acoustic treatment
- I don't have studio speakers
- I don't know if anyone will listen
- I've never released my music before
- I don't have an audience
- I don't have the right software
- I'm not good enough
On the surface, some of these seem to make sense. They're gear related, time stricken, and apparently a skill issue. The self-esteem ones are supposedly something every musican goes through anyway.
In reality, I leaned on my excuses every time I was too scared to put the effort in, challenge myself, try new things, and take a creative risk. I thought that by waiting, I was only biding my time until things got better and then I would finally be able to create and release music in a perfect world!
My honed skills, reliable workflow, and confidence know better now. But getting to this point where I'm steadily working on and releasing music in harmony with my circumstances meant overcoming my excuses first.
Overcoming My Excuses
I'm going to examine each excuse and explore how I overcome it through a combination of just putting the work in and shifting my perspective on the situation:
I don't have time
This excuse is tricky to tackle. I mean, I'm only human. I get tired. I have other responsibilities. I simply don't feel motivated enough or have other things I'd rather be doing. And sometimes...I just really don't have time for music!
I overcame this excuse by facing it in two parts.
Firstly, I reframed how I thought about my time:
When I don't have time, that means that I don't have time...at that particlar time. Not that I don't have time ever.
This stopped me from never starting to work on my music, and also kept me from procrastinating on already started things I could be working on within a reasonable amount of time.
Secondly, I learned how to make the best use of my time.
I use a calendar (both physical and digital) to mark important dates, like project start, milestones (a part is recorded, mixing is done, ect.) and a release deadline.
And best of all, I know from experience that making music doesn't have to take a whole lot of time. You simply need to allow the time you want to make it happen.
On weekdays, I specifically set aside 25-45 minutes for music. In this time, I can:
- Practice
- Write (or revise) lyrics
- Compose
- Program synths and drums (also synth bass)
- Record guitar, bass, and vocal parts
One weekends, I give myself 1-2 hours for music. During this time, I can:
- Practice
- Record or (re-record) for longer sessions, sometimes for multiple songs
- Compose
- Program instruments
- Record
- Mix and master
Suddenly, it's clear that I actually have plenty of time for my music!
I don't have a home studio
In context, this is one of my more ridiculous excuses.
Sure, technically I don't have a "home studio." As in, I don't have a bigger space I can dedicate to my music desk, vinyl record collection, and all my guitars. I think we'd all like a more spacious location with all the bells and whistles we could possibly want! I'm striving to have that cozy space for myself one day.
In the meantime, I have my bedroom studio. As in, a dedicated room where I have my desk, laptop, recording interface, microphone, amp, and all my guitars stored. Complete with posters and other wall decor!
There was never anything inadequate with this room. But I was thinking about it in a negative way. It's gotten cramped because of all my guitars, some that no longer fit neatly into my storage closet. Sometimes it gets messy from the cables and other guitars I've laid out. This is just part of being creative.
Until recently, I was embarrassed to show it for fear of not being taken seriously. It didn't look impressive enough, compared to others with more space and money. It was too messy, I thought. Turns out, no one cares!
I finally stopped letting these misconceptions hinder me when I realized my skills, evident in my music, will determine if someone takes the time to listen. Not whether I left a guitar case out and it happens to be visible in photos or videos.
With the rise of DIY and bedroom pop, and the accessibility of modern digital music production, people are not only used to personal spaces but also expect them while finding them warmly relatable.
My bedroom studio is more than good enough, and it's a real place where I have a great time making music.
I don't have acoustic treatment
Tied to the above excuse, this one doesn't really matter and was another instance of my mindset holding me back. When all the signal chaining and mixing and mastering is done, listeners literally can't hear that I don't have acoustic treatment.
Talking with one of my musician friends Ben also reinforced my perspective; we agreed that some genres (for example folk or singer-songwriters) may benefit from acoustic treatment such as professional panels or full on sound proofing. Even for acoustic guitar parts, simple things like facing a condenser microphone away from reflective surfaces like windows, and throwing up curtains, towels, or mattresses, can "deaden" the room well enough.
The point is, this excuse shouldn't have hindered me from recording songs. Unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time not even beginning the recording process because I thought I was lacking some special equipment that I absolutely needed to have. Listening to my own recordings proves this isn't true at all, because the audio is high quality without any acoustic treatment.
Acoustic panels can be beautiful but they aren't necessary. Rather than hesitating, I should have spent all this time recording. Thankfully, it's never too late to do this and improve along the way!
I don't have studio speakers
Again, this is a hotly debated topic with various answers that depend mostly on personal spaces and set up.
Most musicians, especially producers and mixing/mastering engineers, swear by studio speakers. Mixing on headphones is often frowned upon and dismissed, firmly relegated as a last resort no one in their right mind would actually choose to do. This kind of common wisdom trapped me into the negative thought pattern of thinking that my bedroom studio sucked, and that any music I made without this special perfect equipment was therefore doomed to suck.
Plenty of good studio speakers are affordable. But due to my current circumstances, I wouldn't be able to set them up and use them anyway without annoying everyone around me, including neighbours. Over the years, I've come to rely on my headphones so much that I may never feel the need to get studio speakers even when my recording space changes.
To prove this excuse was only getting in the way of making more music, I mixed Afterlove entirely on headphones.
As I explored in my mixing and mastering production diary for Afterlove, there are great ways to mix on headphones. These include checking mixes on different types of headphones (which is what I do) or using software to simulate a professional acoustic space. There is nothing wrong with mixing on headphones to begin with and there are options to enhance the experience.
So just like my previous excuses, I was getting hung up on gear I thought I lacked while my skills were stagnating instead of being put to use.
Headphones are really comfy, by the way...
I don't know if anyone will listen
If I never release my music, then it's guaranteed no one will ever listen to it.
This excuse was really rooted in my fear of being judged and disliked for my style and approach to music. Over time, getting better at songwriting and music production has given me the confidence I needed to shed this fear. Releasing Afterlove was especially important for reaffirming this. I am okay with my music not being liked. I know I tried my best and I'm happy with the final result!
Overcoming this excuse did involve a certain degree of vulnerability and willingness to actually share my finished songs. Music promo, if you will. For me, this meant doing graphic design, making my own website, starting a YouTube channel to share my songs and offer peeks into my process, submitting my music for feedback on SubmitHub, and starting this blog.
On the whole, I've found that people are kind, interested (even enthusiastic) to listen, helpful, and supportive about my music!
No one is out to get me or rooting for me to fail. I really can be my own worst critic. A proven way to gently get over myself is to consistently keep writing songs for people to listen to.
I've never released my music before
The best time to start releasing music is now!
Releasing music is an exciting and daunting milestone all at once. More importantly, it's a decision. While working on Afterlove and leading up to releasing it, I posted about knowing when my music is ready to release. Setting my fears aside, readiness was a choice rather than a feeling. And it was a choice I avoided for the longest time.
This excuse kept me from sharing my music because I convinced myself that I was bound to mess up my releases somehow. Despite all my research and experience and discussions with others who had sucessfully released their music without catastrophe, I rejected the release process made up of actionable steps in favour of indulging my anxious worries. What if no one cared? What if I uploaded an entirely wrong version of a song? Why should I release music now, since I'd never done it before?
Eventually, I countered these fears and overcome this excuse due my sheer excitement at finally having finished something to release. Along the way, I was learning and having fun, to the point that I wasn't paralyzing myself with what I seemingly couldn't do–I was ensuring that I could, in fact, do it!
If this excuse kept me holding my breath, then releasing Afterlove on YouTube, BandLab, Samply, Oxchord, and self-hosting on my Google Drive was a very long, very happy exhale.
And the world keeps turning.
I don't have an audience
We all have to start somewhere, but this excuse kept me stuck for the longest time because I felt entitled to an audience instantly. I figured since my music was so important and emotional to me, it would totally be just as important and emotional for others.
Combined with my other excuses, having no music released cemented the fact that I had no audience. How could I? It turned into this vicious cycle of wanting attention and validation, getting discouraged by not having any, wanting my music to move others and connect on a deep emotional level, and frustration that even if I did release my music...I wouldn't have an audience.
Well, it just so happens that I needed to do the unthinkable: put myself out there and find my audience!
When I released Afterlove, it was from a place of gratitude and freedom. And people listened. Sometimes they left comments or reviews, too.
Even more than having an audience though, I discovered that I was actually looking for community. This was the catalyst for me joining Reddit and it's been great to nerd out with other people who care just as much as I do about lots of things, especially music. And by putting myself out there, community found me.
I made dear new friends! I'm so thankful for them and the good times we're having. I love learning new things from them and getting to be creative with them.
I'm part of VerifiedHuman™ which is a global certification standard for human-made creative work—like Fair Trade, but for creativity. VerifiedHuman™ signals authenticity, transparency, and integrity in creative expression and certifies people to build trust in their work.
I'm also a proud member of Conformity Is Death (CID), an independent music collective all about growth, friendship, and freedom of expression.
I joined New Bohemia, the world’s first sanctuary for authentic human creativity in the digital age! My music is part of a warm community of creatives who all share and support one another without generative-AI content in the mix.
These communities are filled with talented, inspiring, and generous people who share my passion for music. We do listen to and appreciate each other's art, and we lift one another up. The positive energy and support network empowers us all to keep doing what we love.
I don't have the right software
It took me a while to find the right DAW, which in my case is BandLab.
This is another excuse that's quite ridiculous considering how many (free!) DAWs are out there and the wealth of information available detailing exactly how to use them.
Mixing my excuses related to my bedroom studio and other gear with this one about software was a recipie for purgatory. Without the right software I couldn't record music. And the "right" software for me meant a DAW I didnt get quickly overwhelmed and frustrated using, preferably one that was free. The total number of songs I recorded during this time was zero.
Overcoming this excuse meant I had to genuinely put the effort in to try new DAWs, learn through tutorials and by actually doing things, and be open to different options until I found one that made sense for my workflow.
This long and often tedious process was ultimately worth it because it reinforced my patience, adaptability, and determination. It resulted in me making more music!
I'm not good enough
Every excuse I had come up with amplified the others.
It got to a point where I believed I wasn't good enough to make music and release it. I fell into a bleak pattern of putting a guitar out, trying to get myself come up with some music, but just walking past the stand empty handed day after day. Usually I'm always writing something, but I wasn't coming up with any lyrics, either. I would stare blankly at my empty DAW session. If I managed to come up with chords that sounded well together and a fragile melody, I'd delete it all moments later because I somehow found something was wrong regardless.
I thought I was protecting myself by hiding. If I was never good enough, then I never needed to come out of hiding. Of course, I wasn't safe–I was hurting and self-sabotaging myself in an area of my life that brings me endless joy. I was supposed to be creative, not in self-imposed exile.
Releasing Afterlove meant no more excuses.
And no more excuses means I am good enough.
Making Up For Lost Time
Taken together, all my excuses robbed me of time I should have spent making music and releasing it.
Now that I'm happily, finally doing what I love, I've been able to reflect on how I overcame my excuses.
I knew I absolutely needed to share all seven songs on Afterlove in the wake of a devastating breakup with my soulmate. The pain and powerful emotions demanded catharsis. I wanted to be free. I wanted to process and grieve and give myself closure, which involved being heard.
With gratitude, overcoming all my excuses was possible through the support and encouragement from friends, the vibrant communities I'm part of, the feedback I received for my songs, and the creative process itself.
I'm determined to make up for lost time by consistently releasing my music.
I have no more excuses left...so I can make more music!
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